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When Catherine is a child, she is lively, spoiled, strong-willed. At first, she resents Heathcliff when her father brings him home and both she and her brother refuse to have anything to do...
Reckless. Heathcliff received brutal floggings, and Cathy was punished by being told to skip meals or read chapters, but the two of them became reckless and wild when they got together. Heathcliff...
May 21, 2024 · Catherine has been away from public life for most of this year - and this latest news suggests a return to work is not imminent. The princess had been briefed on the report by the Royal...
- Overview
- How Do I Know If I Was Emotionally Neglected as a Child?
- What Are Some Examples of Childhood Emotional Neglect?
- How Does Emotional Neglect in Childhood Affect Us as Adults?
- How Emotional Neglect Causes Trauma
- Healing From Childhood Emotional Neglect
While everyone may perceive neglect differently, emotional neglect in childhood generally refers to when a child doesn’t experience emotional security or support from their guardian figures. Our emotions may have been completely ignored or invalidated—purposefully or unconsciously—or we might have been explicitly shamed for expressing our feelings.
Daniel Rinaldi, MHC
Emotional neglect is considered a form of trauma, as it can have long-lasting and profound effects on a person's emotional and psychological well-being.
— Daniel Rinaldi, MHC
This form of neglect can occur when a caregiver is not present, but when they are present they are emotionally unavailable, if the parent is ill-equipped to handle childhood emotions, or if the parent is purposefully dismissive.
“Emotional neglect is considered a form of trauma, as it can have long-lasting and profound effects on a person's emotional and psychological well-being,” says therapist Daniel Rinaldi, MHC. He adds that chronic emotional neglect can shape our emotional landscape as adults by affecting our self-esteem and impacting our interpersonal relationships.
Raising children is highly nuanced and inherently difficult; there’s no doubt that our parents or caregivers made mistakes along the way. However, chronic emotional neglect is not the norm, and its ripple effects follow us well into adulthood.
“Emotional neglect can be hard to spot because it is not always visible—even to a professional,” says Aurisha Smolarski, LMFT, founder of Cooperative Coparenting. “It is also hard to spot because it tends to be based less on what a parent does and more on what they don’t do.”
Smolarski says that emotional neglect can be either intentional or unintentional, or even unconscious.
Some parents emotionally neglect their children because they’re uncomfortable with emotions in general and are unsure of how to respond to the complex feelings a child experiences.
Here are some signs of childhood emotional neglect. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it provides a general idea of what emotional neglect looks like:
•Punishment for expressing negative emotions like sadness, frustration, or anger (e.g., being told to go to your room or be quiet)
•Lack of shared celebration or joy when experiencing a positive emotion like happiness or excitement (it might even present as zapping the positive emotion with a negative response)
•Being told your feelings or experiences aren’t valid or worth further examination (example phrases might include "You're too sensitive," “Stop acting like a baby” or “Don’t worry about it.”)
•Dismissed or ignored feelings because the parent is focused on themselves or another situation
•Withholding or not showing affection, whether it is explicitly requested or not
Difficulty Expressing and Processing Emotions
Childhood emotional neglect can cause us to avoid emotions altogether in adulthood. We may struggle to identify our feelings or find it difficult to process big feelings. There might also be a general sense of “numbness,” which is ultimately a form of self-protection. Smolarski adds, “They may choose to leave a relationship or situation instead of asking for something they need because that feels safer than the risk of rejection.”
Aurisha Smolarski, LMFT
They may withdraw or isolate from social or peer groups because they feel different and because they fear being asked to talk about how they feel. — Aurisha Smolarski, LMFT
People-Pleasing Tendencies
On the other side of the coin, Smolarski says that if we've been emotionally neglected as kids, we might end up becoming the “caretaker” or "burden holder" of our friends and family. Essentially, addressing other people's emotions and needs allows us to feel worthy, loved, needed, and good enough. This can backfire if we end up focusing so much on others that we fail to prioritize ourselves. 3 Ways a Lack of Boundaries Is Hurting Your Relationship
Ongoing Neglect Is Child Abuse
Ongoing emotional neglect is considered a form of child abuse. According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, it's a traumatic experience that, if severe or continued over a long period of time, can affect a child’s development. “Trauma can cause changes in the brain and nervous system that in turn lead to difficulty expressing emotions, lower self-esteem, shame, or guilt,” Smolarski says. “Children suffering from the trauma of neglect can have behavioral issues at home and in school and may struggle to form and maintain relationships in childhood and as adults.” More severe neglect can lead to substance abuse, the tendency to engage in risky behavior, and long-term mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). How Trauma and PTSD Impact the Brain
Aurisha Smolarski, LMFT
Making the effort to heal this wound is a sign of bravery, and can be done at any age. — Aurisha Smolarski, LMFT Fortunately, healing is possible. There’s so much room for personal growth and a pathway to improved self-worth. Trust and emotional intimacy can be learned over time with patience and a strong support system. We can have and deserve fulfilling relationships. “Remember that there is nothing wrong or bad about you or your emotions,” Smolarski says. “We all have emotions. It's just that you didn't have someone to reflect them back to you, to teach you that your emotions are welcome and valid, and to help you regulate them. Making the effort to heal this wound is a sign of bravery, and can be done at any age.”
Therapy Can Help
She adds that this process often requires professional support, such as therapy. Therapy allows us to explore past experiences, process unresolved emotions, and develop healthier coping strategies and communication skills. In therapy, we can learn how to identify and label emotions accurately, develop self-compassion and self-acceptance, and figure out how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. “Outside of professional settings, individuals can prioritize their emotional well-being through various self-care activities, such as engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment, practicing mindfulness and meditation to cultivate self-awareness, and journaling to express and process emotions,” Smolarski adds. Learning Brain vs. Survival Brain: What's the Difference? By Wendy Rose Gould Wendy Rose Gould is a lifestyle reporter with over a decade of experience covering health and wellness topics.
- Wendy Rose Gould
Queen Elizabeth I. Early Years. Difficult Childhood. After the disgrace and execution of her mother, Elizabeth's life was never to be quite the same again. She was probably far too young to be greatly effected by her mother's sudden extinction, but her lifestyle changed considerably.
Apr 12, 2021 · His main reason for tardiness was the desire to enjoy the charms of his heavily-pregnant mistress, Barbara Palmer, Countess of Castlemaine, before he was compelled to perform his conjugal duties with the nervous young woman, who, recovering from a cold, awaited him in Portsmouth.
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What is childhood emotional neglect?
Feb 9, 2024 · Known as childhood emotional neglect (CEN), it is a type of adverse childhood experience (ACE). ACEs are highly stressful and potentially traumatic events or situations that occur during childhood or adolescence.
