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Parents who favor one child over another
- Parents who favor one child over another, are subscribing to the notion that one child is better behaved, more attractive, similar in personality to the favoring parent, or they have preferred kinship.
People also ask
What does favoritism mean?
How does favoritism affect a child?
What is parental favoritism?
Is favoritism always intentional?
Aug 11, 2023 · For younger children, favouritism may be more about how much time parents spend with them compared to a sibling. For adult children, it may be more about unequal financial support.
Nov 19, 2012 · Parents who favor one child over another, are subscribing to the notion that one child is better behaved, more attractive, similar in personality to the favoring parent, or they have preferred kinship. Favoritism is commonly associated with a bond that develops between the child and the parent.
- Overview
- Let’s be honest…
- The negative effects
- The damage to the family unit
- What you can do
Whether real or perceived, parental favoritism can have lifelong effects on kids.
The subject of parental favoritism has been trending lately, with a number of think pieces popping up over the last several months on the topic.
While many parents are often quick to declare they don’t have a favorite, a number of kids — and adult siblings — may beg to differ.
In fact, the effect parental favoritism can have on kids, whether real or perceived, is a topic that’s been of growing concern.
Research has found that the effect isn’t great, showing that children who perceive themselves as being the least favorite are more likely to do drugs and use alcohol and cigarettes in their teenage years.
This is especially true when the family unit isn’t otherwise very close.
According to Michele Levin, family therapist and co-owner of Blueprint Mental Health, “It can be very common for a parent to ‘like’ or ‘vibe better’ with one sibling more so than the others.”
She’s not suggesting you run out and buy T-shirts to advertise your favorite child, but she thinks it’s important for parents to know and recognize how those preferences can occur.
She explained that kids all have different personalities, interests, needs, and ways of expressing their needs.
Kids dealing with other struggles, such as depression or anxiety, can sometimes exhibit challenging behavior that makes them not as easy to be around as their siblings are.
So it’s not always a case that a parent loves one child more than the other. It may just be that one child is easier to parent and be around than another is.
“Often another sibling simply doesn’t have the same needs or struggles, or can become the peacemaker, which can lead to a perceived feeling of favoritism,” Levin said.
The problem is that a perception of being the least favorite child can take a definite hit on a kid’s self-esteem, Dr. Shelly Vaziri Flais, pediatrician and mother of four explained.
“Something we need to be very aware of as parents is to not compare siblings,” she said. “As a mom of twins, it’s something I have to be extra cautious of. We try really hard to avoid labels like ‘the smart one’ or ‘the athletic one.’ If you’re not the favored child, the concern might be that you’ve been pigeonholed as the more difficult child.”
She added, “I think kids who get the sense that they’re less favored are more likely to act out, especially as they enter their teens. Having strong self-esteem in those years is so important, and if they already think of themselves as the bad kid, it can turn out poorly.”
Levin agreed, adding, “It can certainly impact their self-esteem and how they feel within their family, especially at family events and holidays.”
It’s not just about the relationships between parents and their kids. The relationships between siblings can struggle as well.
“It’s different for every family,” Levin explained. “Some siblings will notice it and feel bad or guilty for the other and it will help them bond, while others will hold resentments or competitiveness.”
Vaziri Flais worries that the damage done by parental favoritism can carry into adulthood, making relationships between adult siblings and their parents strained.
However, she wants to remind people who may be struggling with those difficult family dynamics “that your friends are the family you make for yourself.”
“We live in a society where everyone lives all over the country, and you can create a new ‘family’ if you had a less-than-desirable experience in the family you were born into,” she said.
For parents who don’t want their kids to grow up and separate themselves from the family, acting now to put an end to any perceptions of favoritism may be the best solution.
Levin says the most important thing a parent can do if a child says they believe another is the favorite is to acknowledge their feelings.
“Don’t just say, ‘I don’t have a favorite’ or ignore it. If that’s what they’re feeling, it’s coming from somewhere and it’s their perspective. So it’s important not to dismiss it,” she said.
Instead, she says to talk about it. “Genuinely validate how they’re feeling and then problem-solve.”
She explained that what the child may really be saying is that they’d like more time and attention.
Perhaps they could use a one-on-one day, where you make an effort to engage in shared interests with them.
“Specifically asking the child what they need will give them the chance to tell you,” Levin said.
Apr 23, 2011 · When favoritism morphs into abuse, the health of the family and the psychological well being of all its members is jeopardized: Favorite children grow up with distorted, inflated views of...
Dec 7, 2023 · Parental favoritism can harm children by causing strained sibling relationships, low self-esteem, emotional distress, and injustice. Addressing this parental favoritism psychology is crucial to maintaining healthy family dynamics.
Sep 1, 2022 · Favoritism can have lifelong effects on children. By definition, favoritism is to show inordinate attention, give special privileges, or give less discipline to one child over another.
Feb 26, 2018 · Favoring one child over another is a thing, but before you freak out, take a deep breath, and address the elephant in the family room—favoritism does not mean you love one child more than...
