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Should you take a break in a relationship?
Is being on a break healthy for a relationship?
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May 30, 2019 · Taking a break should never be used as a prelude to break-up, but there are plenty of times when it's actually the best thing for a relationship.
- Overview
- Do Breaks in Relationships Work?
- Reasons for Taking a Break in a Relationship
- How Often Do Couples Take Breaks?
- How to Take a Break Without Breaking Up
- A Word From Verywell
The reasons for taking a break can vary, but the goal in mind is often to come back to the relationship with a renewed sense of commitment and passion. The question is, do breaks actually work? Is taking a break something that can help your relationship in the long run, or will it break your relationship altogether?
The reality is that every couple is different, and all relationships will go through periods that can be tough to manage. For some couples, it may be normal for the relationship to swing back and forth between an on-again, off-again situation. For others, a temporary break can sometimes turn into a permanent split.
Before you decide to pump the breaks on your relationship, it is important to understand whether a temporary separation will help more than hurt. Consider your reasons for stepping away and think about what you can do to make taking a break a helpful experience.
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According to couples therapist and relationship expert Kathryn Ford, MD, healthy relationships involve a balance between varying degrees of distance while still maintaining contact.
"Often, we think of taking distance from a loved one as an unloving act and counter to nurturing a relationship. But the skillful use of closeness and distance is a very important part of intimacy,” she explains to Verywell Mind.
Sometimes relationships follow a linear path that starts with dating and eventually continues on a steady trajectory toward either a more permanent, long-lasting commitment or a breakup. But it isn't uncommon for relationships to take a much less steady path that often proceeds in a series of fits, starts, or even brief breaks.
Your relationship might not follow a perfectly linear path, but that doesn’t mean that it’s doomed to fail. Taking a break at the right time and for the right reason might be just the thing to strengthen your connection in ways that can deepen your commitment.
How often do people take breaks in relationships? Statistics are hard to come by and many of those available may not necessarily reflect current trends. However, some older studies suggest that almost half of adults will break up and later reconcile with a partner at least once in their lifetime.
Taking breaks doesn't just happen among dating couples. Estimates suggest that around 6% to 18% of married couples have separated at some point in their marriage. Sometimes married partners start these uncouplings intending them to be permanent, but what they turn into is an unintentional way of taking a break in the midst of a long-term commitment.
Set a Time Limit
Before you agree to take a break, set a time limit on how long the break will last. How long should a break in a relationship last? The length of a break depends on your relationship and the reasons you're doing it. Make sure that you give yourself enough time to adjust to being apart and to focus on your feelings during this time. Also, make sure that you lean on the other supportive people in your life during your time apart. “Stay connected to the other people in your life, especially those that support your goals for the break,” suggests Ford.
Establish Ground Rules
Having ground rules during a break is essential. You both need to establish what is acceptable behavior during this time. Is it OK to date other people? Or have sex with others? For example, you need to decide if being on break means that you are single. Establishing ground rules can help you determine if you are free to see other people while you're on break and the boundaries that those connections should follow.
How to Set Ground Rules for a Break
Relationship expert Kathryn Ford, MD suggests that you should keep the following in mind as you set ground rules: Talk about what you both want and need, including ground rules Focus on minimizing the damage to your relationships and to yourselves Be realistic about your expectations Ground rules for your break are there to protect the relationship as well as each individual in the relationship. "Even if you are considering leaving, you have been in a caring relationship with each other. It will be important during the break, as during the relationship, to find ways to take care of yourself, while also behaving well toward the other person," Ford explains. Whatever you decide, it is important that you are both on the same page so there are no surprises. Ford notes that following the rules that you have agreed upon is essential. Ground rules typically focus on topics such as how much contact you will have with each other as well as with other people both romantically and/or sexually. The goal of these rules is to help make the break successful, minimize any damage to your relationship, and allow you to continue your responsibilities (including in terms of child-care if you have kids together).
There are many reasons why you might want to consider taking a break in your relationship. It can be a way to reset the relationship, gain clarity about your own needs, and even help foster a healthier relationship with your partner. The key to making it work is to approach it with care and intention, making sure to understand your reasons for stepping back and creating expectations for what will happen during the break.
When done well, a break may help you better understand your needs, goals, and connection to your partner. As Ford explains, “Taking a break is an interruption of contact, but need not be an interruption of your caring and compassion.”
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2 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
1.Halpern-Meekin S, Manning WD, Giordano PC, Longmore MA. Relationship churning in emerging adulthood: On/off relationships and sex with an ex. J Adolesc Res. 2013;28(2):166-188. doi:10.1177/0743558412464524
Oct 18, 2023 · Being “on a break” can sometimes be healthy for a relationship. Learn how to find calm, gain clarity, and emerge stronger, whether you’re reuniting or moving on. Sometimes, in the complicated moments of romantic relationships, we might feel the urge to hit the pause button.
Mar 15, 2023 · Should You Take A Relationship Break? Here's How To Tell And Rules To Follow, According To Experts
- 2 min
Nov 9, 2022 · What does it mean to take a break in a relationship? A relationship therapist explains the rules for taking a break, when it works, and when it doesn't.
Apr 24, 2024 · Taking a break in a relationship can be beneficial with the right ground rules. Learn more about the pros and cons of managing a relationship break.
Oct 21, 2022 · Taking a break in a relationship can allow people to reflect and make decisions that serve them and their goals as individuals, and possibly as a couple. A couple’s approach to their relationship break ultimately determines whether it will be beneficial or detrimental.
