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- Overview
- Understanding Quality Time
- How to Give Your Partner Quality Time
- Showing Your 'Quality Time' Oriented Partner You Love Them
- Common Mistakes to Avoid
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Every couple needs quality time together in order for the relationship to grow and develop. Moments of connection are born out of intentional activities and those hours chatting in bed, cooking, or enjoying hobbies together.
But for some people who have quality time as their love language, the time can take on even greater significance. So how does that desire for time spent together impact the relationship especially when hectic lives get in the way?
Here's a closer look at how expressing the love language of quality time can not only improve your relationship but also show your "quality time" partner that you are fluent in their love language and know what they need.
At a Glance
When it comes to the love language of quality time, most people assume it means spending a lot of time together or going out a lot. If that were the case, trying to show your partner you care through quality time could get exhausting—and expensive.
When it comes to Gary Chapman's five love languages, quality time is the one that centers around togetherness. It's all about expressing your love and affection with your undivided attention.
When you're with your partner, you put down the cell phone, turn off the tablet, and focus on them. And, when you do that, it touches their heart in a way that really matters. They feel important, loved, and special—like you were intentional in setting aside time just for them.
Unfortunately, thanks to technology, quality time with our partners is becoming more and more scarce. Even when we are together, we are someplace else—usually in cyberspace or deep in our own thoughts.
But being in close proximity to one another while doing something else does not always constitute quality time, no matter how long you sit there. And for someone whose primary love language is quality time, this lack of connectedness can leave them feeling empty and alone.
When it comes to speaking your partner's love language, it's important that you do things that will make your partner feel loved and appreciated.
If your partner's primary love language is quality time, you need to not only set aside time for your partner, but also be intentional about how you are spending that time.
Make Eye Contact
When it comes to quality time, eye contact is the gateway to loving your quality time partner. In fact, maintaining eye contact tells your partner that they have your full attention, which will make them feel loved, important, and understood. It also communicates that you care about what they have to say. But when you are distracted and scrolling through your phone while your partner talks about their day, they will feel like you just don't care about what they have to say and, by extension, that you just don't care about them.
Use Active Listening Skills
Active listening is one of the most loving things you can do for your partner, but for many people, this doesn't come naturally. Instead, most people think about their own thoughts and opinions more than they think about their partner's. When quality time people are talking, try the following active listening skills: Focus on what they are saying. Lean in slightly. Affirm what they are saying. Ask thoughtful questions. Avoid trying to offer advice, unless they ask for it. Try putting yourself in their shoes or thinking about how you might feel in the same situation. Quality time partners are more interested in feeling understood. They are looking for empathy and compassion and don't always want to have their situations fixed.
Set Limits on Technology
Nothing hurts a quality time person more than to share something they feel is really important, and then to look up and realize their partner is only half paying attention while trying to answer an e-mail from a co-worker or respond to a text. Make it a habit to put away your phone at dinner or during a coffee break and really focus on what your partner has to say. Even though you may not discuss anything earth-shattering, you are making an important and loving gesture by choosing your partner over technology. How to Do a Digital Detox
At times, it can be hard to communicate love to your partner through quality time, especially if it is not your primary love language. But you will eventually get the hang of it. The key is to avoid a few of these common mistakes.
•Don't complain about the time you spend together.
•Resist the urge to do something else while your partner is talking.
•Don't view your quality time partner as needy.
•Keep your technology stowed away when you have time planned together.
•Don't forget to ask what your partner needs in order to feel loved.
- Keeps passion alive. Being with your partner can allow you to connect on a level besides emotional and spiritual. Making the extra effort to spend time together and be better for one another can help you feel closer and keep the passion in the relationship.
- Helps relieve stress. Life is stressful, and there’s no denying that. It’s tough to juggle responsibilities and issues from different aspects of your life.
- Improves communication. One good thing about spending quality time in a relationship is that it presents an opportunity to talk. Whether you’re simply going on a walk together, the key thing is that you can communicate with each other.
- Builds memories. Taking the time out of your schedule to spend quality time together can contribute to more meaningful experiences. Going on picnics, taking a holiday trip, or watching movies at the cinema together are moments you can remember fondly.
- Maintain a realistic perspective of committed relationships. The feeling of butterflies in your stomach won’t last forever. “All relationships have their ups and downs,” says Brown.
- Continually ‘tone’ the relationship. “To tone a relationship means being intimately attuned to it and to care for it regularly, in the same way you would care for a living being,” says Amias.
- Regularly spend time together. For relationships to grow and develop, you need to regularly spend time together. “Quality time is essential to a relationship because it nurtures the emotional (and often physical) connection,” says Rebecca Phillips, a counselor in Frisco, Texas.
- Regularly enjoy autonomy. Spending time apart can also be an important component in a happy relationship. “Different couples have different needs for autonomy.
Jan 27, 2016 · As I’ve studied people’s time logs, I’ve seen some strategies that help even the busiest couples put their relationships first. Try mornings. Mornings are a great time for doing anything that’s important to you. This is time you can have for yourself or your relationship before the world’s priorities invade.
Sep 20, 2019 · Most couples can attest to the value of spending quality time together. This time often includes sharing experiences—participating together in activities both partners enjoy.
Sep 14, 2022 · It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected. These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.
