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Jul 19, 2021 · If you already have a mental health condition, it might make your symptoms worse. While emotional invalidation can happen at any point in your life, if it happens in childhood, it can have long ...
- Think before you respond. Being at the receiving end of emotional invalidation might set off your body’s fight-flight-or-freeze response, which can cause you to respond violently or defensively.
- Use "I" statements. Sometimes, the perpetrator isn’t fully aware of what they are doing. In such cases, practice being direct and assertive. You can say something like: “I feel like my feelings are being invalidated.
- Validate yourself. While it’s normal to want to be understood, you can’t always depend on others to validate who you are, what you believe in, and how you feel.
- Overview
- Emotional Invalidation: Meaning
- Examples of Invalidation
- Negative Effects of Emotional Invalidation
- Why do people invalidate others?
- How to Validate Someone’s Feelings
- How to Cope with Invalidation
Why do people invalidate others?
You may have seen the term “emotional invalidation” floating around social media, but what exactly does it mean? And how do people know if they’re being invalidated? While emotional invalidation has many forms, there are several easy-to-spot signs to tell you when it’s taking place. In this article, we’ll go over everything you need to know about invalidation, including examples, effects, and why people invalidate others. We’ll also provide helpful tips on how to validate someone’s emotions, as well as coping strategies to combat invalidation.
Invalidation occurs when someone dismisses or rejects your thoughts, feelings, or behaviors.
Invalidating behavior includes eye rolling, ignoring someone, or interrupting them in conversation. Invalidating phrases include telling someone to “move on” or “get over it.”
Emotional invalidation is when someone dismisses or ignores your feelings.
When someone emotionally invalidates you, it says: your personal experience is wrong or insignificant. It tells you that your feelings aren't important.
When done repeatedly and intentionally, invalidation is considered a form of emotional abuse, because it can make you question your feelings (and in worst case, even be used to manipulate). That said, sometimes it's done with positive intent: it can also be an attempt to cheer you up when you're down.
on the other hand, this is when someone recognizes your feelings and acknowledges them as important. It doesn’t mean they agree with your opinion or think you’re right, but they hear you, see you, and understand your perspective.
Though, as mentioned, the intent behind invalidation can be either positive or negative, the results are usually negative. They might leave you feeling misunderstood, frustrated, and alone.
It is important to break emotional invalidation down into two parts: the intention and the impact. Someone can have the best of intentions, including us—but if it lands with the other person and hurts them, we need to acknowledge this and take steps to repair the situation or move on.
Invalidation can include rolling your eyes or ignoring someone. Physical invalidation involves nonverbal actions that make someone feel unimportant or irrational. It can be a brief microexpression, or it might be repeated behavior that suggests the listener doesn’t care about the conversation. If you’re unsure whether someone is invalidating your feelings, look out for the following signs:
Playing on their phone when you’re talking to them
Hiding behind a screen or book during conversation
Not making eye contact or scanning the room when you’re speaking
Suddenly walking away during the middle of the conversation
Giving you the silent treatment by ignoring your calls and messages
If you’re frequently invalidated, you may feel confused or doubtful about your experiences. You might feel disconnected from the world, and this can lead to unhealthy behavior, such as social isolation or suppressing your emotions. Over time, you might be so conditioned by someone else's invalidation, that you start to do it to yourself. This can be harmful if you’re experiencing serious distress.
After a traumatic event, for instance, you might tell yourself, “other people have it worse than me” or “maybe I’m just overreacting” instead of seeking professional help.
Instead of processing negative emotions and moving past them, this person might just invalidate, repress, and even feel guilty for their negative feelings (because they believe they're being "
Low self-esteem or mental health issues
People invalidate because they can’t process other peoples' emotions.
Whether it's due to a lack of time, energy, or empathy, some people just can’t sit down and understand another person’s situation. They might be preoccupied with their own problems, or feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed in the moment. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about the person who is venting, but they might not be in the right headspace to offer support.
If your emotional experience is triggering, for instance, the other person might change the subject to avoid reliving past trauma or discomfort.
Other times, the person you’re speaking to might have a low level of emotional intelligence: they simply can’t read your emotions or put themselves in your position.
Sometimes, people unintentionally invalidate others to cheer them up.
This type of invalidation usually comes from close friends and family members. They might minimize or dismiss their loved one’s emotional experience in a poor effort to console them. While the goal is to help the other person feel better, their invalidating words (or behavior) communicates that the other person is overreacting, making them feel even more isolated, confused, or worthless.
Actively listen when someone speaks to you.
Validation starts by giving your undivided attention to the other person in conversation, and acknowledging their feelings and emotions. Put your phone away, maintain eye contact, and focus on being there for them—even if their feelings are difficult or unpleasant. When you
to someone, it communicates that you genuinely care about them, making them feel safe and supported.
During conversation, give brief verbal responses to show that you’re listening such as, “I see,” “Uh-huh,” or “Okay.” Or, physically comfort the other person by holding their hand, rubbing their back, or giving them a hug.
After the other person finishes speaking, reflect on their feelings, then summarize their experience to
You might say, “I can totally see why you’re upset right now. Your friend didn’t show up after you canceled plans to meet them, and it made you feel unimportant to them.”
Take time to identify and accept your emotions.
If you’re upset or overwhelmed, reflect on your experiences, then try to determine what you’re feeling inside. Observing and describing your thoughts can help you
Write your feelings down in a journal if you’re having trouble identifying or expressing them.
If you’re experiencing unpleasant emotions, try to stay in the present moment instead of ignoring pushing them away. Remember, you’re allowed to feel sad, hurt, angry, or any other emotion, and your emotions aren’t permanent.
In general, processing and accepting your feelings makes it easier to eventually move past them. The goal isn't to dwell too long on things that make you miserable, but rather, let yourself feel your emotions, then try to move forward.
Use positive affirmations to boost your self-esteem.
Nov 16, 2021 · Set boundaries – For the sake of your mental health, you need to set clear boundaries and not get drawn into a debate about your feelings. Your feelings are not wrong, they reflect the way you perceive the situation. It doesn’t matter whether this person agrees with you or not. What they shouldn’t do is tell you how to feel.
May 15, 2024 · I think you’re really good at your job, though, and I’m sure you’ll do great.” This acknowledges your worry, even while offering a different perspective and reassurance. Scenario 2: Differing Opinions: You and a friend have a heated discussion about politics. Invalidation: “Your views are so ignorant. I can’t believe you actually ...
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Jun 17, 2024 · You can say, "I need some time to process this," or "Let's talk about this later when we can both be calm." The Importance of Self-Compassion and Validation. Remember, you are entitled to your emotions. Don't rely solely on others to validate you. Practice self-compassion: Acknowledge your feelings, and offer yourself kindness and understanding.
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Feb 28, 2023 · Imagine you’re having a really tough time, so you decide to turn to a friend. You lay out all your emotions over a cuppa, explaining how totally deflated, frustrated, and overwhelmed you feel, hoping your pal will relate. You wait for some soothing words of encouragement or an affirmative – “I know exactly how you feel.”