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Oct 4, 2024 · Proverbs 20:3. “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.”. This verse shows that avoiding fights is honorable. Wise people know that peace is better than constant arguments. By avoiding unnecessary disputes, we gain respect and wisdom. Foolish quarrels only lead to trouble.
- Don’T Rush to Offer Advice
- Do Evaluate Risk and Appropriateness
- Don’T Take Sides
- Do Offer Empathy
- Perhaps Offer Perspective
In a U.S. survey of relationship advice shared between friends, Bill Doherty, professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota, found that many people bungle it when friends turn to them for help. High numbers of confiders reported their friends’ responses were unhelpful, hurtful or even harmful to their marriage. Concerned about h...
As a good friend and confidant, our most pressing responsibility is to triage the situation. That means listening carefully for clues that suggest either they, their spouse or their marriage might be in immediate danger. In his training sessions, Doherty astutely teaches Marital First Responders to be alert for signs of the triple-A threats: 1. abu...
Counsellors are trained to remain objective when hearing complaints from one spouse against the other. But for us – a sympathetic friend without the benefit of similar training – staying neutral in the face of our friend’s or close relative’s distress can be surprisingly difficult. All the same, remaining objective is crucial. Our role, as a concer...
Offering empathy is a powerful way to help a friend without diminishing their marriage. "When we rehearse grievances about our spouse with another person, it often makes those grievances grow in our mind," says Kittlitz. "A good friend doesn’t inflame those grievances, but calms the situation down, and a good way to do that is by showing empathy." ...
Often a good friend and confidant who knows the couple well can speak life and hope into the situation by offering a more balanced perspective. In contrast to giving advice, offering perspective is not directive (i.e. pushy). It’s a much more sensitive approach that waits to ensure the hurting friend feels heard and understood before gently suggest...
Sep 8, 2023 · Speak clearly and avoid muttering or saying ‘um’ and ‘uh’ too much. Have other funny comebacks ready so you aren’t left speechless after their response. Use their words against them and make it a part of your following comebacks. For example, if they call you an idiot, you could say, ‘It takes one to know one.’.
Mar 18, 2022 · In Proverbs, quarrelsomeness tends to reside among those who have strong opinions. Proverbs calls such people “powerful contenders” (Prov. 18:18). These people are “unyielding” (Prov. 18:19). They have very few unarticulated thoughts. They are easily triggered by what others say. They have a perspective that they want others to embrace ...
- Make sure you read the situation correctly. On her Personal Excellence blog, life coach Celestine Chua wrote
- Try talking about the issue with your friend. This is obviously connected to the first step, since you can’t reality-test your perceptions without your friend's feedback.
- Discuss it with someone else you trust. If you can’t get your friend to talk to you, talk things over with someone whose opinion you value. But don’t play the gossip game.
- Look for ways to resolve the conflict. Sometimes this simply means waiting until you both cool down. Daniel Goleman, the author of many books about emotional intelligence, says that we all need time cool off in order to manage conflict.
Dec 10, 2012 · If you sense yourself warming up to a quarrel, step back, slow down, don’t do it. Try a different approach: Say only what truly needs saying; stay calm and contained, without trying to persuade the other person; don’t take any bait. If it comes to this, let the other person, not you, look over-heated and argumentative.
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May 13, 2022 · There is a certain order of words and phrases you should say to someone who has hurt you, and it’s important to follow that order in order to get through to them. You want to make sure your message is heard, understood, and acted upon. 1.
