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- Conflict is constant. When fighting is unrelenting, to the point where there are very few minutes of calm, take it seriously. Fighting about fighting, or not fighting fair, are both signs that the battles have grown big enough that they need to be addressed.
- Or, you've stopped even bothering to fight. Some couples become so exhausted by fighting that they simply stop, but that doesn't mean that all is well—far from it.
- It doesn't occur to you to share good news with your partner. Your partner should not have to be your only cheerleader, and there may be plenty of types of news—an amazing bargain on that item you wanted!
- One of you wants to seek help, and the other doesn't. It's a classic problem that has spelled the end of many a marriage: Counseling is clearly needed, and yet only one person is willing to take that step.
- You’re always fighting. Real talk: All couples fight from time to time. Conflict isn’t inherently bad. In fact, a total absence of conflict often points to deeper issues — avoidance, inauthenticity, fear — in a relationship.
- There’s no intimacy. The lifeblood of great romantic relationships is intimacy — emotional, intellectual, and, of course, physical. When that desire for physical closeness dwindles, that’s often a sign that the relationship is in trouble.
- Trust has taken a hit. Intimacy in a relationship also depends on trust. If you cannot fully depend on a partner — if you don’t have confidence in their feelings and actions — the relationship will always be on rocky ground.
- Jealousy is getting the better of you. All human beings experience jealousy (and its tricky cousin, envy) from time to time. To be in a romantic relationship is often to feel fiercely protective of your partner, and to want to feel secure in your exclusivity.
- Overview
- The Intimacy Just Isn’t There Anymore
- You Can’t Problem Solve Together
- You Feel Alone When You’re Next To Them
- You Just Know It
Simply put, trust your body—you'll know when it's time.
4 Key Signs It Might Be Time to Break Up
If one of you reaches out for sexual intimacy, and the other consistently responds with excuses about being tired, irritated, stressed, disconnected, or not in the mood, it could indicate underlying issues in your relationship. There are no strict rules for sexual frequency, and experiencing occasional dry spells is normal.
However, if this pattern of physical distancing becomes a recurring theme, it’s worth addressing–especially if you feel like you’re forcing things, slowed down with physical touch, sharing secrets about your day, and engaging in revealing conversations together.
In my work as a relationship coach, I’ve observed once you’ve stopped confiding in your partner, it’s likely you’ve also stopped craving physical and emotional intimacy with them, too.
This observation is backed up by a 2018 study that investigated how emotional closeness in long-term relationships can influence one’s desire for sex. The researchers discovered that being emotionally close doesn’t directly lead to more sex, but it does lead to a stronger desire for it. The study emphasizes the importance of maintaining open lines of communication for increased relationship satisfaction.
When a couple tells me they’re not super open about the mundane and pivotal parts of their respective lives, it’s a huge sign that the relationship has probably been on the outs for some time.
If you’re not actively seeking out these kinds of connected moments, it may mean that you no longer see them as someone who can bring you joy and fulfillment. Perhaps they are more like your best friend, family member, roommate, teammate, co-worker, or an obligation. Those are great aspects to have in your relationship, but viewing each other as a source and expression for your romantic pleasure is needed to keep the spark alive.
In long-term relationships, it’s common to have the same fight again and again. You know the fight I’m talking about. Even when you bicker about something different like the dishes, work, family, or money—somehow, somehow, the argument inevitably tumbles back to the same core issue. Not being able to get past this central fight can lead to resentment, exhaustion, and suppression.
Sure, these fights can be frustrating. But they can also be incredibly satisfying once you finally tackle the unhidden issue that needs to be talked through to elevate the relationship. Addressing these emotionally charged issues requires effort. One must be thoughtful of triggers, understand the other’s perspective, discuss past grievances objectively, and strive to meet their partner’s needs.
While these fights may linger, you can break free of the cycle with warm, open, positive, and honest communication. Just know it’ll take as long as it needs to. Patience and perseverance are your allies.
The problem is avoiding certain conversations out of fear of confrontation, which signals a massive loss of trust in your partner. This reluctance to discuss sensitive topics shows you’re uncomfortable disclosing private aspects of yourself or articulating the fullness of your needs. If you can't tell them when you're upset, how can you approach them with a vulnerable request about something else that matters to you? When it reaches this point, your partner may not be seen as a collaborator for effective problem-solving but instead as an adversary. You're not on the same side anymore.
If you can't tell them when you're upset, how can you approach them with a vulnerable request about something else that matters to you?
When you're disconnected and can't move beyond entrenched, well-defended positions in the argument, it’s time to question whether your relationships allow for change at the necessary level. If not, you might need to consider whether something different is required for your own well-being.
If you find yourself longing to do things alone or fantasizing about moments they won’t be around so you can participate in the activities you enjoy, that’s an invitation to pause and reflect further.
When you’re in a thriving relationship, you’ll want to do some of your alone things with your partner. When your relationship is surviving, you’ll feel lonely even when they’re next to you doing the same thing—as if there’s an emotional abyss in between. You may feel misunderstood, trapped, shut down, on edge, and uncomfortable being around them. Taken to an extreme, you may find yourself judging your partner and the things they value.
If you’re not putting in the time and energy to nurture a connection, you will grow apart. It’ll make sense to keep doing your own thing until you look up one day and realize you’re living completely separate lives.
When you and your partner feel disconnected on a fundamental level, no longer prioritize the same values, and find it hard to get along, it becomes a challenge to co-create a shared future. Why commit to a future together when the present moment feels so dissatisfying to be in?
Our subconscious mind controls 95% of our lives, meaning that a majority of our decisions, actions, emotions, and behaviors are influenced beyond our conscious awareness. These imperceptible signals are picked up by our mind-body connection, registering as a gut instinct that tells us something is not right.
In my work as a relationship coach, I’ve observed once you’ve stopped confiding in your partner, it’s likely you’ve also stopped craving physical and emotional intimacy with them, too.
Gut feelings are easy to dismiss until we unpack the science. Emerging research notes the gut is linked to the enteric nervous system, which works alongside the brain to communicate in parallel, which ultimately plays a major instinctive part in our physical and emotional states.
That’s why the gut is known as the second brain. So, when you simply “know” something to be true, even if you can’t put it into words or logically figure out how you know it, don’t dismiss what your gut is telling you. There’s a reason why they call it a “deep knowing” or an “inner truth.” Your intuition is intelligently designed.
- There’s no emotional connection. One of the key signs that your relationship is over is that the spark has gone. A foundation of a healthy relationship is that both partners feel comfortable being truly open with each other in sharing thoughts and opinions.
- Communication breakdown. You may notice that you and your partner rarely discuss things anymore – neither positive or negative. Rather than solving issues when they arise, you may both sweep them under the rug, but hold on to the frustration you feel under the surface.
- Aggressive or confrontational communication. The flip side to a lack of communication is aggressive communication. You and your partner may be arguing a lot, constantly picking fights with each other, and unwilling to patch things up.
- There’s no appeal to physical intimacy. Sexual desire and intimacy can ebb and flow through the course of a relationship. If you’re in a sexual ‘ebb-phase’, it doesn’t mean there’s no hope for you.
- You Can't Get Out Of A Rut. To get out of a rut, have more sex, talk more often, give each other space, go on vacation, attend couples therapy — the list of ways to "reignite a spark" is pretty much endless, and it often works for couples who are just going through a phase.
- You Aren't As Intimate. While not every couple is super touchy feely, take note if your partner pulls away when you go in for a hug, or if you tend to turn over in bed so they can't cuddle you.
- You're Never In The Mood. There are so many factors that impact sex drive, so don't immediately assume your relationship is ending just because you aren't in the mood for sex.
- You're Spending More Time Apart. "When relationships start to near their end, couples tend to begin spending more time apart," Bianca says, which might explain why you always watch TV separately or keep cancelling date night.
Jul 12, 2024 · Has time run out for your relationship? Is it beyond saving? Would you and your partner be better off parting ways? These are questions many people will ask when a relationship hits a rough patch. To help you answer such questions, here are some signs that indicate things are simply not working.
Sep 30, 2021 · Signs of a dying relationship include one partner out of reach for long periods and giving less affection. When couples finally part, they have often endured a long period...
