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Feb 27, 2023 · Think of every time you say yes as training and reinforcement for your child to gravitate toward choices you would support in the future. “When you provide opportunities for positive choices ...
- Anna Lee Beyer
- To encourage creativity. Yesterday, my four-year-old asked if she could paint a picture with nail polish. I said yes, but explained we didn't want to use up the whole bottle.
- To encourage your child to ask for what they want. We'll all heard the phrase "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Many adults struggle to ask for what they want.
- Saying "yes" most of the time can help children handle "no." You might be wondering if I'm a pushover. I'm not. If you reserve saying "no" only for times when there is a good reason for it, your child will come to understand that.
- If kids ask for what they want rather than sneak it, you can steer them. If kids expect their parents to say no, they're more likely to sneak. When they sneak, you can't shepherd them into good choices.
- "If you don't work hard now, you'll regret it for the rest of your life." Instilling fear is one of the least effective ways to spark intrinsic motivation in kids.
- "It's my job to keep you safe." As kids get older and reach middle school or high school, keeping them safe is a job that we cannot by any measure do successfully.
- "I'm punishing you because you have to learn that this behavior is unacceptable." Enforcing punishment might help you feel like you have a sense of control, but research shows that not only does it hurt your relationship with your kid, it's also an ineffective tool for changing behavior.
- "You spend too much time on your phone." The problem with this statement is that it's not respectful of the way a kid inhabits their social world — a world that looks much different than ours did.
- "We'll never afford that." If something you really want is out of your price range, don't insist that you can never have it simply because money is holding you back.
- "You make me so mad." As parents, it's important to stay calm and resist the urge to blame our kids — or anyone else, really — for our emotions. Instead of acting out of rage over something your kid did, a healthier response would be, "I don't like it when you do that," and then explain why.
- "I hate my job." Let's say you had an exhausting day at work and you just want to go home and vent to your partner. It might seem harmless because you weren't even speaking directly to them, but keep in mind that kids do pick up on this messaging.
- "I have to go to the store." Whenever you say that you have to do something, whether it's running an errand or going to dinner at Grandma's house, you imply that you're being forced to do things you don't want to do.
- Understanding real life consequences. When a parent says “no” to a child’s request initially, it ends the process immediately. There's nothing to discuss, and little learning or growth can take place.
- Internalizing decision-making. Connected to the concept of understanding real life consequences is the development of internal decision-making. As described above, when the parent becomes a buffer to any real life consequences, there's little opportunity for the child to learn and grow.
- Improvement of parent/child relationship. More often than not, when a parent is put in a situation to say “no” to their child, the child will be upset with the parent.
- Responsibility. Saying “yes” may seem like it'd create a spoiled child. But keep in mind, the idea behind the strategy is to be creative in allowing the child to be the one to say “no” to a situation.
Which means, your child’s reaction to your tendency to say ‘No’ isn't good for her overall development. To understand if you are a 'Yes' or a 'No' parent, you can engage in a simple assessment. Make a note of the number of times you say these in a day. You may be in for a surprise. A ‘Yes’, a ‘No’ or a...
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Mar 23, 2020 · There will be other people in your child’s life that will say ‘no’ to them. It is important to say ‘no’ now so you can help them learn how to manage their emotions and be able to function when faced with failure. You don’t want to be the ‘yes’ parent, but you also don’t want to be the parent to always be saying ‘no’.
