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- Calm yourself first. Use your pause button: Stop, drop your agenda (just for now), and take a deep breath before you engage with your child. Remind yourself that your goal is to calm the storm for your child, not escalate it.
- Connect and create safety. Reach out to connect emotionally, and if you can, physically. Create safety with your touch, your warmth, your tone, your attitude.
- Empathize. Match your child's tone. When kids feel that you really get how upset they are, they don't need to escalate. Welcome the emotions and reflect them, mirroring your child’s tone.
- Double-check to be sure your child feels understood by what you've said. This way, you don't have to worry about whether you were able to accurately reflect your child's feelings.
Oct 26, 2023 · Tips for Staying Calm. 1. Breathe: When you feel your frustration or anxiety building, take a moment to breathe deeply. Inhale for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. This simple exercise can help you regain your composure. 2. Pause and Reflect: Before reacting to your child’s upset, take a brief pause.
Aug 28, 2024 · Worried that your child is hurting themselves? You’re not alone. While this behavior is relatively common, that doesn’t make it any less challenging. In this post, you’ll learn what might be driving the behavior, and what to do if your child self-harms.
- Don’t Yell at or Challenge Your Child During an Angry Outburst. Many times parents deal with angry outbursts by challenging their kids and yelling back.
- Don’t Try to Reason with Your Child During an Angry Outburst. Many parents I talk with fall back on logic when their kids are angry. After all, as adults, we reason through things to defuse tense situations.
- Pay Attention to Your Reactions. It’s important to watch your reactions, both physical and mental. Your senses will tell you “Yikes, I’m in the presence of somebody who is very upset.”
- Don’t Get Physical with Your Child. In our online parent coaching sessions, we sometimes hear from parents who have lost it and gotten physical with their kids.
- Set limits BEFORE you get angry. Often when we get angry at our children, it’s because we haven’t set a limit, and something is grating on us. The minute you start getting angry, it’s a signal to do something.
- Calm yourself down BEFORE you take action. When you feel this angry, you need a way to calm down. Awareness will always help you harness your self-control and shift your physiology: Stop, Drop (your agenda, just for a minute), and Breathe.
- Take Five. Recognize that an angry state is a terrible starting place to intervene in any situation. Instead, give yourself a timeout and come back when you're able to be calm.
- Listen to your anger, rather than acting on it. Anger, like other feelings, is as much a given as our arms and legs. What we’re responsible for is what we choose to do with it.
Jul 29, 2024 · Try giving a warning: “In 15 minutes we’re going to sit down to dinner so you’ll have to stop playing.” Giving a child choices can help, too: “You can come to the grocery store with me or stay home with Mom.” You can also try making plans together to handle upsetting situations.
Jan 31, 2024 · Sometimes the best course of action when your child is upset is to give them some time and space to calm down. This article addresses strategies for supporting your child to calm themselves down during anger outbursts, without your immediate intervention, which can make the situation worse.
