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If you’re the parent or caregiver of a teenager (or two), chances are good that you’ve faced the infamous anger of adolescence at some point. Maybe your kid is a bit snarkier than usual, or perhaps they’ve graduated to door slamming and music blasting.
Teenagers going through puberty have naturally heightened emotions, so this behavior doesn’t necessarily relate to anything you did or didn’t do. No matter how good of a parent you are, there will likely still be days when your teen rages at the world.
But as their parent, you probably want to do something to help, especially if their anger leads to conflict with peers or family members, aggressive behavior, or self-harm.
As a start, it can help to understand where teenage anger comes from and learn to recognize the signs. You’ll find more details below, along with some tips to support your kid through the more challenging parts of puberty.
Anger is a human emotion, one pretty much everyone tends to feel when things don’t go as planned.
Teens can get mad for the same reasons as anyone else:
•unfairness or injustice
•rejection
•loss
•disappointment
How do you know when your kid is angry? These signs can suggest that a bad mood might shortly escalate to a meltdown:
•More movement. Your teen pounds up the stairs, then starts gesturing wildly as they tell you what their (ex-)best friend just pulled.
•Less patience. During a debate about what show to watch, your teen keeps interrupting you to repeat their argument (with increasing volume).
•More bad language. Your teen starts peppering their speech with insults and swear words, such as “I can’t believe the stupid bus f-ing left me behind f-ing again.”
•Less manners. Your teen speaks more bluntly, saying “Why can’t you make dinner already?” instead of politely saying, “I’m so hungry. Could we eat soon?”
•More passive aggression. Sarcasm and eye-rolling can suggest anger simmering under the surface.
It’s understandable to worry about your teen’s mood. You might wonder how to tell whether their anger is a temporary, typical phase of development — or a sign of a deeper concern.
Anger doesn’t always suggest a mental health condition. That said, professional support may be a good next step if your teen:
•acts physically aggressive by throwing things, shoving people, or getting into fights
•has unexplained bruises and scars
•can’t fall asleep or seems to need very little sleep
•gets stuck on thoughts of people who may have “wronged” them or frequently talks about getting revenge
Validate their feelings
Say your kid comes home furious about a friend “stealing” their crush. You may be tempted to downplay the situation and urge them to calm down. But if you ignore your teen’s (valid) emotions, they might end up getting mad at you for not taking their side. This incident may not seem like a big deal to you, but it might represent your teen’s first experience with heartbreak. You can validate their feelings simply by listening and acknowledging them. “You sound very hurt,” or “I’m sorry that happened to you” can go a long way to helping them feel heard. When you help them carry their pain, their anger might feel more manageable. Plus, when you validate their feelings, they might be more receptive to guidance on controlling their anger in more effective ways.
Help them find an outlet
One helpful way to get rid of anger involves channeling it somewhere else. Research suggests that physical activity offers one way to blow off steam, for people able to exercise. While your teen may still feel upset about the situation making them angry, getting some exercise could help their anger feel less overwhelming. Music can also help teens manage anger. Whether your kid is fighting with siblings or reeling from a breakup, there’s almost certainly a song that matches their mood.
Relaxation strategies can help, too
If your teen says they can’t calm down, you might try offering a few suggestions for ways to release and soothe anger: •deep breathing •journaling •meditation •a long walk in nature •relaxing music Was this helpful?
Enduring a teen’s anger can test even the most resilient parent.
You can support yourself by:
•Keeping perspective. Adolescent angst isn’t forever. While early puberty may be stormy, kids tend to mellow out as they get older.
•Drawing boundaries. Just because your teen is angry at you doesn’t mean they get to resort to personal attacks. You have feelings too.
•Schedule some personal time. Take an hour to enjoy a book or take a well-deserved nap. Self-care can recharge your batteries and help you keep your cool.
•Reaching out. Even when everything goes right, parenting can feel overwhelming at times. Consider joining a support group or talking to your parent friends.
When parenting a teen, you’ll likely encounter your fair share of bad moods. Irritability and testiness are a normal part of growing up, so usually, they’re nothing to lose sleep over.
If you find yourself in the trajectory of your teen’s anger, take a deep breath and remember: While puberty is temporary, family is forever.
Emily Swaim is a freelance health writer and editor who specializes in psychology. She has a BA in English from Kenyon College and an MFA in writing from California College of the Arts. In 2021, she received her Board of Editors in Life Sciences (BELS) certification. You can find more of her work on GoodTherapy, Verywell, Investopedia, Vox, and Ins...
- Emily Swaim
Why do we get angry? There are many reasons why we might feel angry. We might call them triggers. We all have our own triggers, but some common ones include: Feeling scared or attacked; Feeling frustrated, ashamed, stressed or powerless; Feeling misunderstood, judged or like we're not being treated fairly; Being bullied, discriminated against ...
May 21, 2024 · What causes teenage anger? How can parents help angry teens? When should you worry about an angry teenager? Quick Read. Adolescents are growing and changing. And the hormones that drive puberty can have a big impact on mood.
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Aug 17, 2022 · Why is my child so angry and aggressive? Anger and aggression in children are often caused by unaddressed frustration or distress. Trauma, learning disabilities, or sensory processing issues can all make children act out in anger or aggression.
Jul 13, 2015 · Become an anger detective! Learn the 10 top reasons why kids get angry and read our positive and proactive tips to help them cope!
Jan 28, 2022 · Some causes of anger in teens are due to more significant and concerning issues, including: Abuse or trauma. Bullying. Mental health disorders. Questioning gender identity or sexual orientation. How to Handle Teenage Anger.
